The return of football season this past weekend has written a new chapter in the love/hate relationship* I have with The NFL.
This latest installment (unless I was too drunk to notice in the past and they have always been there) that mildly enrages me is the announcer graphics that pop up in the left hand corner of the screen periodically when we need to be reminded of how repugnant Kenny Alberts’ face is. AS GROSS AS IT IS, I today would rather focus on Tony Siragusa and the piss poor way he presents himself on national television. A few questions…
What is up with these poses Goose has going on? Was it his idea to throw his arm over Kenny’s shoulder or the photo director’s? “That’s right just keep in casual boys” How gay. That and “Yeah Goose give me a little ‘attitude. Perfect.” I guess I get that everybody loves a big fat “cut-up” anywhere you are and he probably breaks the tension with some real former-player insight and discussions involving the technical merits of lasagna during the broadcast, but can he do it from within the confines of something other than a sweat-wicking shirt please? How about you get a damn suit like every other public figure has had to do since the Industrial Revolution so you don’t look like you’re on the way to your bowling league indefinitely? At the very least go the Steve McMichael route and exclusively wear Hawaiian shirts–those at least can have some personality. Dri-FIT just reminds me of how gross Siragusa’s body must be and I don’t want to think about that when I’m eating Taco Dip on Sundays. It’s been 10 years since he retired. The grace period for former players’ wacky antics are over and it is time to take yourself a little more seriously or you’re going to lose your job to some minority with big hooters.
Speaking of Steve McMichael, I recently saw him at a bar where he was doing “an appearance”. He didn’t talk to anyone or sign any autographs but he did sit down at the bar and drink tequila out of a pint glass for 4 straight hours.
*Basically I love watching football but I hate things like the FOX robot (which apparently has learned some new skills this off season like showing viewers a shield that says “The NFL on FOX” and leering creepily into the camera). I love sack dances but I hate pointless sideline reports. I love tailgating but hate Tom Brady, etc.
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