The Position My Girlfriend Just Won’t Do

I was having a conversation with several of the other writers of this website the other day and I realized that we have all encountered the same problem in all of our relationships since we’ve been sexually active:  There is always a position (or several) that your girlfriend just won’t do.

Now, I’ve been single for quite some time, but the last girl I dated had qualms about any position that involved us not facing each other.  I found it bizarre that she required so much eye contact during coitus since she wouldn’t dare exchange a glance while giving me oral sex.  It was like once my dick was in her mouth I was an Iranian aristocrat and she was a poor town’s girl forbidden to meet my gaze.  Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that she’s focused on the task at hand but at least check in occasionally in case I have some feedback.  The point I’m making here is that just because I don’t want to look at a girl when I’m having sex with her doesn’t mean I don’t care about her and blow jobs are definitely an interactive activity.

Back to the original point:  Why is it that we as guys want to explore the different aspects of the Kama Sutra?  It’s simple really.  We need it for mental material.  If you give me a good minute of doggy style, it will last me the rest of my life.  Maybe the relationship goes the distance and I only use it once when I’m on a business trip in Toledo or maybe we break up and I mix it into the regular rotation of ex-girlfriend sex memories.  Either way, it’s important to us.

Now, I’m sure there are women reading this and they are aghast by this piece and are ready to file it away as misogynist propaganda.  I beg to differ, however.  This is not meant to encourage women to do things that make them uncomfortable, but rather to encourage women to try new things and understand how it is meaningful to their significant other.  Some of you ladies are saying, “Well, you want me to do reverse cowgirl, but I want you to bring me flowers and spend time getting to know my mother.”  This is a valid point, but I would argue that the way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach as the old axiom goes, but rather through his penis.  The next girl that lets me pile drive her will get her fair share of flowers and I’ll take her mom to see “The Lion King” or whatever Broadway in Chicago is putting on at the time.