Fitchburg, WI) This Saturady, Keith Michaelson will be spending most of his day at Oak Creek High School, but not because regular classes are in session. The 17 year-old has amassed a stunning 26 tardies this quarter, and will be forced to pay his penance by going to school when the rest of his classmates are sleeping in or watching college basketball.
The junior has always had his fair share of tardies, but has never had enough to warrant serving the dreaded saturday school before. Michaelson tried his best to plead his case with Dean of Students Phillip Evans, but to no avail. Evans, who has a reputation for being fair and stern, gave insight into his decision:
“The individual who is habitually tardy in meeting and appointment, will never be respected or successful in life……Wilbur Fisk”
Well said. It is rumoured that Michaelson had even more tardies than recorded, but was able to sweet-talk certain teachers into not reporting them to the school office. Most faculty may see his brazen actions as a show of disrespect to the institution, but the student body has defended the all-area varsity quarterback and member of Model UN.
“Keith just talks to so many people during passing periods, how can you expect him to be at all his classes on time?” one student exclaimed.
Oak Creek currently has 3 minute passing periods.
An unidentified source told me that it is common knowlege already among the “in-crowd” at Oak Creek High School that Michaelson already has tricks up his sleeve for Saturday night.
“From what I hear, Keith is hosting a ginormous party Saturday night at the old MacCleary barn where his band 10 Elk Masquerade will be playing a live show. Talk to Amy DiFranco or Doughboy for directions” said the unidentified student.
See you there, folks. Ill be the one holding a bottle of Jack Daniels waiting for them to play “Professor Plum in the Study With the Candlestick”.
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