I ventured out into society for perhaps the first time in a week from my pauper’s apartment today. the first stop: Bed Bath & Beyond. as i tried to quickly and quietly buy a “midsummers night” candle, a soft-spoken gentleman asked me if i was finding everything ok. when i looked up to politely tell him to leave me alone, i was startled to notice the gentleman wearing an eyepatch. while i would love to get help finding things from a person wearing an eyepatch, i had already gotten what i had came for so i denied his help. the rest of the time was spent driving around in my antique car, smoking cigarettes and thinking about what tragic events led to a person with an eyepatch having to take a job so degrading. this person could have been discharged from the military, fired from his modeling job because of his bell’s palsy, an out of work assassin, unintentionally landlocked, or a former merchant marine married to Dr. Kayla Brady Johnson. nobody is above working any job in this economy. stay gross, dude-with-eyepatch at Bed Bath & Beyond. its only up-up-up from here. rock that eyepatch and next time you can help me find the Ped Egg i so desperately need.
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