Ask Dr Gross: Am I Still Masculine?

Dear Dr. Gross

Am I Still Masculine? I’ve noticed some things about me that might be considered un-manly, but then there’s things about me that are just oozing machismo.  Please clarify

I’ve lost interested in the NFL, but still really enjoy Heavyweight boxing matches.

I keep a really clean apartment, but I also have an abundance of slurpee cups in my cabinet.

I put product in my hair, but I also haven’t had a clean shave in years.

I have a cat, but I also have a really big TV.

I’ve seen, and enjoyed The Story of Us, but I’ve also seen, and enjoyed The Marine and The Marine 2.

My girlfriends Wii fitness board is in the middle of my living room, but I also just beat the latest Terminator video game.

I have a page a day calender, but I only pull the pages like twice a week.

So whattdya think?  Am I still macho, or do I need to go on a cattle march with Senator Byrd?

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response
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Dear Gross Reader,

Let me start by saying that because you own a cat my first instinct is to immediately assume that you are either a homosexual or a woman masquerading as a man in some sort of elaborate fact finding mission using imgross.org as your subject. That said, no woman or effeminate man would have the instinctual man skills to mention that they have watched and enjoyed the “Marine” series, and certainly would not be perceptive enough to know that the NFL has taken a wrong turn down “commercialized pussy parkway.” I’ve also decided to throw out the fact you have seen “The Story of Us” as I believe I can safely assume that you were forced to watch the movie under duress in an effort to elicit oral sex out of your Wii playing girlfriend.

My diagnosis is this. Most men have an outlier and that is nothing to worry about. Phelps enjoys bubble baths, Senator Byrd cries every time he hears Cyndi Lauper’s “All Through the Night,” CEO Scott often wets his bed, Myles Kennifick uses his imgross earnings to follow Justin Bieber around the country on tour, and you sir own a cat. The bottom line is that we all have gross personality traits and this website is a good forum to get them off your chest.We will support you.

Please watch the movie “Predator,” masturbate to a “cream pie surprise” pornographic video, and maybe next time think about getting a bird or a goldfish instead of a cat.

Best,

Dr. Gross