There seems to be quite a bit of confusion on the term ‘booty-calling.’ As a female with supposed emotions, I am here to vouch for the rest of us in saying we are not dumb and you don’t have to pretend to like us in order for us to have sex with you. Purely sex-based relationships are totally acceptable, however, there are a few things boys should know before you start one. Keep these next 10 tips in mind and you should have a very successful booty calling career.
1. Consistency. Try and keep it post 10pm. (No earlier, or else we may confuse it for you genuinely liking us.) If we know when to expect you, we’re more likely to cooperate.
2. Be civil. I’m not saying introduce us to your entire clan of friends who we KNOW you’ve told about everything in explicit detail, but I don’t know, perhaps a subtle smile? A head nod? Something that signifies that you acknowledge our existence outside of your bed, too. Just to be nice, you don’t actually have to care about us.
3. Be persistent. If we don’t respond well to your first attempted booty-call, it doesn’t mean we’re not necessarily interested, we’re just pretending we have morals and self-respect. (We don’t.) If you keep trying, we’re more likely to give in. It means you are a very motivated booty-caller and we appreciate your hard work.
4. Don’t ask us to leave immediately, we’ll figure it out on our own. In the meantime, pretend to be interested in our innermost thoughts and what we enjoy doing with our time.
5. Always offer to use a condom, even if you don’t actually intend to. If you say something along the lines of, “I’d use a condom, but it just won’t fit!” or “Man, I just ran out.” We’ll appreciate the effort and the fact that you warned of our hypothetical pregnancies ahead of time.
6. On that note, always ask if we’re on birth control. If we’re not, I’d recommend to get the condoms we know you have under your bed.
7. Make sure its evident that we’re just a booty call. No calling us “baby” “honey” “love” or “beautiful.” The only compliments you’re allowed to give are about how hot we are in a sexual way.
8. Don’t try and get with our friends. You may just be a booty call, but that doesn’t mean I want to share.
9. Walk us to our car afterwards. We know you don’t want to and you’d rather be asleep, but we really do appreciate it.
10. Get checked often. PLEASE.
posted by random girl that the imgross staff met on chatroulette:
danielle: www.onceuponahandle.blogspot.com/
this list was totally made by a woman. trying to hide the fact that she really cares:
“Something that signifies that you acknowledge our existence outside of your bed, too. Just to be nice, you don’t actually have to care about us.”
if its a true booty call I dont want to see your stupid face outside of the bedroom and you shouldnt want to see mine, if we wanted to see each other we’d be dating…
i can see right through you woman…you are incapable of a real booty call
jordan you are dead on…she is confused
“don’t ask us to leave immediately”
“Be civil”
“Walk us to our car afterwards”
“Don’t try and get with our friends”
I dont owe a booty call any of these things…we are in a booty call to get our jollys off plain and simple…if u want to be uncivil to me, leave immediately, and fuck all my friends thats fine…we are only using each other for sexual pleasure…there is no civil contract at all in a booty call.
Gentlemen-
I feel as though this young lady has an identity crisis. She doesnt know what she wants. Does she want a man to come over late at night to give her a good solid ram? or does she want a companion? Because you just cant have both.
I think someone needs to construct a counter list (male version)
we will…stay posted. tomorrow ot the next day…ceo scott has us pretty busy right now chopping wood for his opulant new log cabin in vail
what is ceo scott’s stance on donating to charity? he seems to have so much. did he give anything to the haiti relief efforts?
haha this shows how dumb women really are
i dunno those seem like easy enough rules to follow….especially if shes blowen me
hey guys: keep in mind this was written by a college student who attends a VERY small school who is forced to see the other’s face outside the bedroom on a daily basis, both in social situations, classes, and awkwardly in the dining hall. they also may or may not know several of the same people. so this may not be applicable to adults in the “real world.” this also wasn’t intended to be seen by people other than her equally as inexperienced college friends, do dont h8!
Listen-
This is the least that you guys can do. Especially if I am knowing going over to your place late at night to play with your balls and bang your brains out.
I prefer one night stands.
you idiot guys dont understand what its like having your sweaty disgusting bodies in our beds…. it requires a total sheet overhaul after you leave plus it takes like 2 showers to get the smell of balls off our hands…. and its all good, just walk us to our fucking cars.
How about this? You do what I say or I get a hooker and you go home with a guy sporting a tribal tattoo who talks about mixed martial arts and poker? Yeah, you don’t like guys that talk about poker do ya? My place. 2:30.
im pretty sure that no member of the imgross.org staff has purchased a condom willingly since freshman year of college….i think its prudent for a woman to provide them for herself if shes concerned because im pretty much comfortable with the pull out and shoot high method….other then that i think the list is fine…Hear Me!
erica you don’t understand what its like trying to get the smell of balls off your balls.
hahaha. yeah thats gotta be a daily challenge
MY SON WORKS?!?!?!
We need CEO Scott to chime in this discussion. Last I heard, he was Oriental Rug shopping on the Magnificant Mile.
Wow. Romance is dead.
Kristen, is a booty call considered romantic?
i don’t give to charity.
Wow, Chat Roulette produced something more than 20 boner sightings.
,,,did jimbo just say “i prefer one night stands?”