8:00pm(central time) – The ceremony begins
8:54pm (central time) - Prince Hubertus Von Hohenlohe of Mexico enters the arena.
8:57pm (central time) – Samir Azzimani of Morocco carries the flag, gives black panther salutes, and blows kisses to all the Moroccan sluts in the stands. A mighty cheer eruptes. This guy was born ready. (Dan- hyperlink that to alec’s “this guy was born ready article)
8:58pm(central time) – The members of the Netherlands representative look like a group of people you would meet on vacation in amsterdam
9:00pm(central time) - Lone Pakistani athlete Muhammad Abbas holds his flag particularly stiff and high, but who gives a shit! the chick in the background has huge knockers!
9:02pm (central time) – The Polish flagbearer holds flag right-side-up to world’s astonishment. No jokes so far…
9:11pm (central time) – The United States team enters at 9:11 on the dot! Oh it’s on now, so long gold for anyone else. United we stand motherfuckers.
9:13pm (central time) – Shaun White, everything al qaeda hates about America personified.
9:14pm (central time) - The host country Canada explodes into the stadium. Expectations are high, and pride of country has never been higher.
9:19pm (central time) - Canadian born Bryan Adams appears on stage to sing. Canadian pride begins to shrivel.
9:26pm (central time) – a creepy deep male voiceover, which later proves to be weirdo donald sutherland, and a wizard confirms that the acid that alec and i have taken is kicking in. Costas’s voice is the only thing keeping us calm and preventing a bad trip.
9:38pm (central time) – Sarah Mclaughlin is so pleasant to listen to
9:45pm (central time) – Senator Robert Byrd makes his appearance at the ceremonies playing the evil fiddler inside a cursed canoe. In attendance, Bruce Wayne was told to sit down as he thought Sen. Byrd’s shadow being cast on the glowing orb meant Batman was being summoned. A shame, as we would have seen a rare appearance of “the batfiddle”
10:00pm (central time) – Apparently Peter Pan was Canadian. And he really liked prairies.
10:46pm (central time) – P.A. announcer mispronounces Nodar Kumaritashvili’s name just before the one minute silence honoring his death. He is punished by being forced to enter into the Luge competition.
11pm (central time) – Technical difficulties cause one of the olympic torch boners not to rise. The remaining three contemplate bullying the wheelchair guy by racing to one of working apparatus.
11:30pm (central time) – the torch is lit
The olympics are a time that people of the world gather to watch in awe of athletes with talents that extend the bounds of human possibility. We become both border less, and segregated as we see each country make an individual name for itself through sport and sportsmanship. imgross.org wants to voice its support for all things olympics, and specifically its support of Prince Hubertus Von Hohenlohe of Mexico. Kick some ass Princy.
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