You might be Functionally Retarded

Have you ever noticed that in Jeff Foxworthy’s ubiquitous redneck “jokes”, you can substitute the word ‘redneck’ for ‘functionally retarded’, without losing any of the jokes original essence?  See for example these…examples…GOD DAMN THESAURUS…from a Jeff Foxworthy redneck joke compilation website (there are more than one, and that’s all I have to say about that).

You might be FUNCTIONALLY RETARDED if you think the stock market has a fence around it.

You might be FUNCTIONALLY RETARDED if you ever hit a deer with your car…deliberately

You might be FUNCTIONALLY RETARDED if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument

There was also one…er…joke…on this list that caught my attention, if only because of the possibilities for beard-related humor that imgross.org panders to:

You might be a redneck if birds are attracted to your beard.

Why?  Are rednecks known for long beards?  I thought mustaches were their thing.

Specifically, this kind

I’m assuming then that the joke is that rednecks are slobs who would leave bits of bread and seed in their beards, which the birds would swoop in and eat.  However, when I did a  Google image search for “bird eating from beard”, I got this picture:

Definitely NOT a redneck

So I’m lost on that joke…unless perhaps the webmaster (whom I’m beginning to suspect is a man of the bearded variety) can explain…

bobkerolls
www.freedonkeyposter.com