calling all douches

in a recent ad campaign, captain morgan has laid down the challenge to the “captain*” of all crews to take charge.  the commercials encourage the crew leader to turn something into nothing for the benefit of the group.

“ok, ok, jason, you will be a bullfighter.  seth-tell women you are a model for a make believe fashion magazine.  t-dog, just be yourself, and i will be a plastic surgeon who only does pro-bono burn work.”

this concept is very un-imgrosslike.  instead of trying to be someone you are not, go the opposite way and accept who you are and embrace it.  try this for example:

“ok, ok, jason, you will be picking your nose and eating it as usual.  seth-tell women that you have masturbated to the thought of your cousin going down on you.  t-dog, just be your normal self, except don’t deny your ocd, and i will go in with full disclosure of my polyp.”

you may not take a girl home that night, but when you leave the girls will be laughing with you, not at you.

.

*the alpha male of any group of friends.  normally is the guy who is most likely to approach a group of girls and requires a wingman** at all times.  well spoken, well dressed, and fully prepared to unload a line of bullshit to pass the female guard.

**2nd in charge normally of the group.   if the captain is in distress, this guy will come to his aid.  usually a loudmouth with boyish charm.  will also fight and encourage fighting in the case his captain is threatened by captains of other groups.