“I’m clearly not ugly.”
-Megan Fox
In honor of this being People Magazine’s celebrity quote of the year, here are some more things I would be willing to do to have one night alone with Megan:
-Never listen to any of these songs again:
“I Can’t Hold Back” by Survivor
“Brandy” by The Looking Glass
“Band on the Run” by Paul McCartney and Wings
“Werewolves of London” by Warren Zevon
“Brick” by Ben Folds Five
-Give up bacon and all bacon substitutes.
-Never use the phrase, “(Insert name of politician or athlete) can go fuck himself,” ever again
-Fight a Griffin with my bare hands (I presume this would be more dangerous than fighting a lion or even a lion and an eagle at the same time).
-Legally change my name to Osama Bin Laden, then perennially maintain a deep tan and thick full-beard while dressing in traditional Islamic Fundamentalist garb.
-Write a 500 page thesis (with a full annotated bibliography) about how the movie “Jennifer’s Body” is the most influential piece of cinema ever made.
-Swap hearts with Urban Meyer (assuming that years of drug and alcohol abuse hasn’t rendered my heart more unhealthy than his and the technology is available).
-Buy a top of the line “system” for my car and then only listen to Paul Oakenfold in there.
-For one year, walk through rough neighborhoods in various cities throughout the world carrying object that look like they are used for transporting cash (i.e. a satchel, duffle bag, briefcase, sack with money sign, etc.) wearing a three-piece suit.
-Never again surf Teen Wolf style on the hood of Senator Robert Byrd’s sports car.
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