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I Think I Know What Mr. S. Carter is Up To

Holy shit! The garbage ass New Jersey Nets finally stumbled into a W on Friday night by defeating the Charlotte Bobcats 97-91, thus ending their record breaking loosing streak of 18 games. They followed this up with a loss to the New York Knickerbockers 97-106. They now stand at 1-19. What’s funny about this is that the Nets last win was back on April 13, 2008 against the very same Bobcats’ team. Now how can this be? (Not how could the Nets beat the Bobcats. They’re pretty shitty too.) But are the Nets really this terrible? They have some pretty good young talent. Devin Harris was out for a few weeks. As was Courtney Lee, but come on, only 1 fuckin‘ win?!

I’ll tell ya what I think is goings ons: Mr. Sean Carter, or Jay-Z as most would know him, is one of the new partial owners of the Nets and has devised a brilliant little scheme. There are gonna be a lot superstar caliber free agents next year, mainly Lebron James. It’s quite simple actually. First tank the season to guarantee a top draft pick. I mean just play fuckin’ bad, record breaking bad if you will. Fire your funny, 14 year old looking, red head weirdo head coach and bring in a former GM in Kiki Vandeweghe. This guy actually played ball, and was pretty decent. Now during this season J-Hova is gonna have to coax King James into wanting to play for the Nets without talking about business directly. Being the smooth ass rapper/mogul that he is all he has to do is start hanging out with Lebron socially. You know, sick “white” parties, going to Jay’s club, pretty much just partying with fine ass bitches. Maybe set up a Beyonce/Rhianna 3some of some sort. Even if ya ain’t into black chicks, no heterosexual man would ever turn that shit down. That would be a life altering experience for your ass. But i digress. Lebron, despite what he says publicly, really wants to play in New York. If all goes well with the appeal that is pending in court right now for the building of the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, which is in NY, he’ll be playing for the “Brooklyn Ballers”* by the 2011-2012 season. This is what Sean Carter wants more then anything. To bring a pro sports team back to Brooklyn, where he’s from mind you, and win championships. There hasn’t been a team in Brooklyn since the Dodgers left in 1958. Acquiring Lebron would definitely be a huge step in that general direction. I’m sure all the other old cracker owners of the Nets will be on board with this plan. Mr. Z, if this plan does indeed work out you will not only be considered “the best rapper alive,” but also one of the greatest NBA owners ever, regardless of what percentage you own. Godspeed and good luck Jigga. Now for some ‘Big Pimpin.’ Holla!