The Future of Tim Tebow

Over the holidays I was sitting around eating a nice piece of chocolate pie when I was suddenly struck by a bolt of lightening. Luckily, despite the strike being extremely painful it had no serious repercussions to my health, in fact the only side effect that I experienced was that I was suddenly and briefly catapulted 10 years into the future.

This experience lasted for only 3 minutes and 15 seconds and I was only able to ascertain a few small facts about this planets destiny. I can happily report there are no serious changes to our government, economy, or global climate. In fact nothing had really changed at all.

The only thing that did take me by surprise was that University of Florida QB Tim Tebow had a warrant out for his arrest and at that specific time was still at large. Apparently, after a failed 2 year NFL career with the Jacksonville Jaguars, he was out of the league and was working as a car salesman in Tallahassee, FL. After setting new records in sales his first year at Tallahassee Ford the novelty of purchasing a car from Tim Tebow quickly wore off and within two years he was let go. He dabbled briefly as a pastor and youth counselor but he shamefully resigned after it was discovered that he had developed a terrible addiction to prescription pain killers and had sexually propositioned one of the depressed 19 year old drug addicts he was supposed to be trying to help.

He continued living in Northern Tallahassee, but the harsh reality of being a disgraced football star finally caught up to him. After a late night altercation at a local Burger King over a three dollar charge, a drug and alcohol fueled Tebow kidnapped a prostitute and made a run for the Mexican border. He was last seen speeding through Eastern Texas in a 1994 Buick Lesabre and police were urging citizens not to try and apprehend him because he was believed to be in an extremely volatile state.

Upon returning to the present it was sad to think about how fast and far Tim Tebow had fallen in my trip to the future. Hopefully, he is an imgross.org reader because CEO Scott refuses to spend company money on the long distance phone call I will need to make to reach out to Tebow and warn him of the pitfalls of his future. The sad sad story of yet another disgraced system Florida quarterback.