al bundy had it right

as i awoke to take my first leak of the day and slunk to the bathroom, i stared intently at the white porcelain bowl before me while a revelation came.  al bundy was right.  for some reason i thought about some insignificant, obscure episode of married with children that i barely remembered.  for some reason (in this episode) the bundys were remodeling their bathroom and peg turned the master bath into a warm and welcoming area that had a seat cushion on the pot and soft, colorful, frilly lid cover. the rest of the bathroom was decorated elegantly as well.  al was distraught by this and demanded that it be changed back to how it was.  he had to explain that a bathroom is completely utilitarian.  it should be cold, damp, and white.  no bells and whistles.  sitting on the john is a special experience for a man but not because of what covers the toilets lid or what hangs from the towel rack.  it is a lesson in humility.  a private act based on seclusion from the outside world with an acceptance of how things are at the present time.  a time for self-realization and contemplation.  and for a man like al bundy, this was his fortress of solitude seeing as he shared his bed with a wife he didn’t love, his home with kids he hated, and his food with a dog more liked and respected than him among his own family.  this was al bundy’s last stronghold.  and he wanted it to be exactly like him.  bland, cold, and simple.  which is exactly what a toilet is supposed to be.  al bundy had it right.

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