R.I.P. Super Mario
Super Mario a.k.a. Captain Lou Albano a.k.a. Louis Vincent Albano died yesterday at the age of 76 from natural causes. For a long time he lived a double life moonlighting as a charismatic Italian party animal pretending to be a wrestler. He reached his “Super” status in Brooklyn, NY early 1984. While performing a routine bathtub drain snaking with his little brother/ business partner Luigi they were accidentally warped into The Mushroom Kingdom. In order to escape the brothers rescued Princess Toadstool from the evil Bowser, and save The Mushroom Kingdom from Bowser’s evil tyrannical Christian influence and repugnant hot n smelly “dragon breath.” Thus coining the phrase. Upon their return to our world the brothers were instant celebrities. Nintendo released Super Mario Bros. for the NES in late 1985 and the rest is history.
On a side note Luigi was never upset by having to play second fiddle to his older brother. Back in ‘87 he was quoted as saying, “Shit, I’m amazed that they even put me in the fuckin game. Alls I did was walk around eatin up all the mushrooms, smokin reefer with that faggot dragon….what’s his name..Yoshi. Yeah that’s him. Always with that goddamn tongue.” Luigi died 2 months after that interview. He developed quite a liking for the dragon, and never could stop chasing it.
In 1989 Super Mario received the chance of a lifetime to play himself on TV. The show lasted only one season in syndication because it was terrible. Devastated and embarrassed he only wanted to be referred to as Captain Lou Albano a.k.a. Louis Vincent Albano from there on out. He even turned down a movie role to play himself opposite John Leguezamo in 1993. Probably because that too was a real floater left in the toilet bowl. He went on to keep wrestling, entertaining, and being in Cyndi Lauper videos. Apparently was a pretty decent guy that Captain Lou. I’m not sure. I never knew all the personalities of Super Mario. Ya find out a lot of things about people when they die. I never knew Super Mario was a pro wrestler. Anyways, ladies and mostly gentlemen reading this lets pay our respects to a fallen hero and do the “Mario.” Rest well, sweet plumber prince.
.thanks phatphucker
the big question is, does the captain himself get added to the list of deaths attributed to imgross.org?
yes he does. and fman, you’re the fartiest friend i have