shaming cyclists

I’m sick of all these people on bikes. They blow. They don’t obey traffic laws and they look like dildos with their stupid aerodynamic helmets. I think we need to publicly shame these people by hooting at them when they don’t obey the rules of the road. I’m thinking of something like in The Simpsons when they go to Shelbyville and all the citizens are hooting at them because they are from Springfield. Please join me, because I guess riding a bike like you’re fucking six years old isn’t humiliating enough so we are going to have to cast further shame upon them. Also, those meters that say, “This meter remains as a courtesy to cyclists,” I want to cover up with stickers that say, “This meter remains as a courtesy to leaners.” Let me know if you’re in.

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