“I Guess I Wasn’t Invited”

Senator Byrd and I were having a pretty in-depth conversation about the Minnesota Viking Sex Boat Scandal the other day and we both recalled the same thing as the most hilarious part.  The day after the whole thing went down a reporter tried asking quarterback Brad Johnson about the incident and he had no idea what she was talking about.  All Johnson could muster to the reporter was, “I guess I wasn’t invited.”
After having a good laugh about this we began to posit possible scenarios for why Johnson was uninvited to this boat sex party by Ringleader and cornerback Fred Smoot.  Here’s what we came up with:

-Johnson is a virgin.
-Johnson had by far the biggest dick on the team.
-The last sex boat party Smoot invited Johnson to he put him in charge of the KY jelly but instead Johnson just brought the board game “Girl Talk” and a Tiramisu his wife made.
-Smoot went to a sex boat party hosted by Johnson and the things he saw still haunt him to this day.
-At the sex golf outing Johnson brought some “guys” who basically hogged all the escorts the entire time and then didn’t offer to throw any money.
-Sometimes in the locker room Johnson will spin his FSU visor on his boner like a hula hoop and Smoot finds this tasteless and offensive.
-At the last sex boat party Johnson brutally raped and murdered one of the escorts and Smoot had to help him cover it up.
-During a “double team” at the last sex party something went horribly wrong and Johnson’s dick ended up in Smoot’s mouth.  The two have not made eye contact since.
-Smoot was worried that Johnson’s clean cut, white collar, penis-like appearance would curb the horniness of the escorts.
-One of the escorts was Johnson’s sister.
-Johnson was insistant upon bringing Wade Phillips.

.