My brother has been insisting for years that the song “Hold on Loosely” by .38 Special is about masturbation. I never cared until the last time he said it and I was kind of fucked up, so I told him he was full of shit. To make good on my drunken boast I did some research on the actual lyrics for the song. It seems to be his contention that the singer is trying talk about the optimal grip while jerking off. I have a problem with this because ultimately I feel that the strokes per minute has a greater effect on the duration of a crank session than the firmness of ones grip. The only part of the song that I felt was feasibly about jagging off was the line, “And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago.” I will only concede that this is perhaps an early pop culture reference to the “spank bank.” However, it is my contention that due to the context of the lyrics surrounding it, .38 Special’s “Hold on Loosely” is not about cleaning your pipes, but rather about complex emotional issues I will never fully understand.
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