what you are about to read may be disparaging, but it is for your own good. the dos equis spokesman has had his elongated fifteen minutes. and now i will tear him down. the following is an essay from me. alec. a nobody. sir, you have revealed yourself to me.
this “most interesting man in the world” is kin to other crappy, non-original works of fiction. directly taking (and rather belated at that) the style of hyperbole from things like chuck norris/bruce campbell facts and will ferrell characters. they are interchangeable, exploiting a very specific tongue-in-cheek humor. (ex: the most interesting man in the world’s tears cure cancer, too bad he has never cried) (ex: hi, im ron burgundy. i once taught a german shepard to bark in spanish) a wily ploy by marketers to exploit their target demographic of stupid people. and it has worked. many impressionable jerks have begun to make dos xx a staple of their wrigleyville parties, quoting his lines as they hi-five one another. however, television asks me to willingly suspend my disbelief. i will oblige. yet in that suspension i will make a series of assumptions about the most interesting man in the world’s real life.
-his ambiguous latin ethnicity is explained by the fact that he is mexican. the cornerstone of his plight lies in the fact that the conquistadors came over and raped some natives without putting up much of a fight. and he can never get that out of his blood, no matter how many dos xx he drinks. embarrassed constantly by the majority of the latin world, the only people he can take it out on are the puerto ricans……maybe.
-his beard remains relatively unchanged. ive never meant an interesting person that has had the same hair/beard combination for all of time. brohan once told me….change it up. grow your hair out. shave your head. grow a beard. shave it but leave muttonchops and a stache. the same look always is not too interesting.
-his confidence is unwavering. the most interesting people i know are self-reflective and do not always say or do the right thing at the right moment. they have stumbled, stammered, stuttered, slipped, sunk, sold out, got drunk before their boss did, wore the wrong shirt, forgot to turn the coffee pot off, got their ass kicked, went home without the girl, has bad posture, gets inside-nose zits, broke their phone, lost their dog, pissed the bed, isn’t in shape, gets cavities and their shit smells fucking gross. getting knocked down a peg usually makes you a more interesting person.
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