whats the deal with weddings?

weddings are one of those social traditions that have gone horribly awry. what started as a ceremony to celebrate two people who feel the desperate need to choose one single person to spend the rest of their lives with as a last ditch attempt to stave off inevitable loneliness, has now turned into an event that carries more pomp and circumstance with it then the 1933 nazi rally at nuremburg.  

i feel sorry for modern brides and grooms(well not the brides really because they love the year of attention that comes with planning the wedding). but seriously, if you don’t have your wedding at the hippest downtown art gallery and the reception on a yacht on lake michigan your guests will secretly snicker at you behind your back and talk about how cheap your parents are. also i don’t understand all of the other bullshit that comes with a wedding as well, “golf with the boys” the day before and a practice dinner at the trendiest restaurant in town, it’s an ironic joke! you spend more time and effort on your guests then on your significant other! young couples literally bankrupting their parents and themselves to pretend like they are the stars of an episode of entourage for a weekend…that’s not love, that’s vanity.  

hear me now! if i cant find an old lady that will run off with me to vegas, dress up like elvis and priscilla, and walk down the aisle at some shithole wedding chapel located just off the old downtown strip, and then spend the rest of the night drinking and fucking, and then drinking and fucking some more, basically doing things that couples who are madly in love and infatuated with one another actually do, then i don’t want to get married. because OUR wedding should be about US, not about our futile attempt to impress our guests. my friends know im a gross loser and im not going to change their minds with one weekend of fine restaurant dining, limousines, and high class dance venues.  

p.s. i know i may have a minority opinion here, and it may keep me from ever getting married, but its how i feel, love it or leave it.