Home Field Advantage or Playing on the Road

Where to Go When Hooking Up

Home Field Advantage
 
Pros:
-You know where the bathroom is
-If you piss the bed it’s your own problem
-You know the contours of the mattress and the right spots to leverage off the floor and walls. You can use that to put on a spectacular performance worthy of Kobe*
 
Cons:
-If you want to kick her out you’re going to have to lie to her and she will know your parents aren’t really coming over early
-If you piss the bed it’s your own problem
-You will be forced to share your bed with another human, which to me just seems silly. If a woman ever hates herself enough to marry me, we will employ the Frank and Estelle Costanza system.
 
Playing on the Road:
 
Pros:
-You can leave whenever you want
-If you piss the bed it’s her problem
-If she invites you back to her place, you won’t feel as much like a fraternity date rapist
 
Cons:
-You don’t know where the bathroom is and you will probably end up pissing in a closet or her roommates bedroom
-If you piss the bed there will be a very awkward moment in the morning**
-She could be working for a group not unlike the one in the movie “Hostel” and you may end up murdered by a wealthy European looking to kill Americans as sport

**Basketball Kobe, not rape Kobe
*Writer’s Note: If you are a bed wetter, it is important to always leave yourself something to wear home, so sleep naked on the road. This also give you a better chance at poking her with your boner when you wake up and you could get some morning sex.

scott

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