In the realm of male sexual conquests a cougar is very high up the totem pole. To say that you bagged a woman old enough to have been your babysitter is quite the accomplishment. Now I will try to lay out a fool proof strategy* for landing a cougar.
The first step is knowing where to find a cougar. Your best bet is certainly a concert that attracts the type of woman that is in her late thirties or early forties and still single. REO Speedwagon, Styx and Journey are great for this. Now if you are going to employ this strategy you need to do your research. I fortunately own a multitude of albums by mediocre 80’s bands but if you do not you need to go buy one and learn some lyrics. It will pay off in the long run.
Once you’re at the concert you have to trim the mark. It is very important to have your eye out for the rock on the finger. The last thing you want is to go hit on a good looking older woman and then have her husband, a Rosemont cop, come walking up looking to smash your face with his shit kicker boots. Another important subject to avoid is talking about things that will remind her of the age difference in an empirical way. Don’t ask her where she was on 9/11. You’ll say I was in second period physics with Mr. Penisi and she’ll say she was getting a mammogram from Dr. Weinberg. It will just be awkward.
Now, once you have locked on to your target and things are going well, preparation will come in handy. You wait until the band plays one of their many ballads (preferably REO) and you look her in the eye and say, “I can’t fight this feeling any longer.” Then make out with her like you’re at a high school party. With any luck you will be having uninhibited sex with a woman that has a multitude of experience. The best part: once the deed is done she will want you to leave just as bad as you will want to get the hell out of there.
*Strategy is not proven to work.
scott
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It’s true. I went to the REO Speedwagon/ ZZ Top concert at Toyota Park last summer. The place was crawling with cougars.