you are what you drink

What you drink can say a lot about you. Here’s how we rank the major liquors.

1)Whiskey: at the top of the liquor food chain, its superiority is challenged rarely. It can be a shooter, drank neat, or mixed. Here’s a breakdown of the kinds of whiskey and who drinks it.
straight whiskey- a staple of any cowboy, ruffian or frontiersmen
bourbon- southern rockers
scotch- gentleman.

2)Gin: This versatile liquor is used in more cocktails than any other liquor. gin is basically sipped down by aristocrats, old men, james bond, and Dr. Dre/Snoop

3)Vodka: This Ruskie-made liquor reflects its homeland; cold, dreary, bland and boring. Because of its relatively odorless and tasteless milieu, it mixes with anything. The key to knowing who drinks it is in its modifiers.Vodka with:
Cranberry- people without a Y chromosome
Red Bull- douchebags
Tonic- Fraternity Members (who usually have a neatly-kempt goatee)
More Vodka- hardcore alchies

4)Rum: Thee worst of all liquors. It is a liquor made by pirates for pirates. what makes rum very pussy is that it is rarely shot, rarely drank straight, and is the key ingredient in many fruit-filled tropical drinks. nothing says, ” i’m a fallopian” more than ordering 3 “capt morgans & cokes”.

N/A) Tequila. Not in the heirarchy because it is not part of the major 4 liquors, but still needs to be addressed. This liquor is primarily shot, which is why its awesome. We can thank the conquistadores for this delicious nectar of the blue agave. Just don’t let the vatos see you order a Tequila Sunrise. It is, however, ok to watch the movie

alec.

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