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the ghost of karl malden is pissed

KarlMalden1
July 1st.  July 1st you ASSHOLES!  I’ve been dead for over a week, and still nothing.  This is a website priding itself on dead celebrities since launch, and no mention of me?  I won a god damn academy award for a little something called Streetcar Named Desire.  I’m clearly the biggest multi-galactic superstar ever, let alone any gross clown you’ve acknowledged.  Fuck this website!

I had a career of amazing celebrity, and acting brilliance that spanned 7 decades.  Michael Jackson had 2 good albums in 1 decade, and fucked children.

I was gven an honorary doctor degree in fine arts by the most prestigious university in all the land; Emporia State University.  Farrah Fawcett was an idiot, and really only had 2 good years of fuckability ( I should know…I fucked her…because I’M A HUGE MEGA STAR).

I was a WWII war hero.  I inspired billions upon billions of troops in several continents to kill Nazis, Asians, and Deigos with brilliant theatre performances.  Steve McNair missed 112 professional football games due to turf toe.  Hardly a hero.

Who the dick is Billy Mays?

I made Marlon Brando look like an amateur in On The Waterfront  Oscar Mayer was…ya know what?t Fuck it.  I’m done.  You recognized this guy?  The hot dog guy?

imgross.org welcome to your 1st death mail.  There’s no way my passing went un-noticed to you.  THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY!  I coined the phrase “Don’t Leave Home Without It”!  And guess what buttlickers?  I’m bringing that phrase back especially for you.  Don’t leave home without some god damn protection, because the ghost of K-Mal’s floatin all over looking to take you down!

Did I mention I was in Pollyanna.  POLLY FUCKIN ANNA BITCHES!

deuce

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