A Day at the Imgross Office

11:22 AM- I stroll in 22 minutes late (technically, 11AM is a suggestion for start time, it’s part of a laissez faire management style) after deciding to jerk off at home instead of having to do so at work. It reminds me of a conversation Alec and I once had with a girl. She asked if we ever masturbated at work Alec said, “All the time!” and I didn’t want to disappoint so I said, “Exclusively!” She was quite disgusted.

Noon- Senator Byrd and General Pope are locked into a game of Stratego that is both intense and enjoyable for both parties. They say it is research for the Civil War reenactment. The Senator seems to have a propensity for finding General Pope’s bombs to which he responds, “How the fuck do you keep finding my bombs!” Alec is looking at various adult websites. It’s unclear if it is for personal purposes or research. Dbranx is making a Monte Cristo. I am responding to hate mail.

1:37 PM- We decide to get some fresh air and head to a local coffee shop. After a debate about the content of the website the barista comes over and reminds us that there are children around. “Is it because I yelled, ‘fucking rape?’” I asked. She said, “Yes. And some other stuff.” We decide it is time to return to the office.

2:18 PM- We discuss the merits of what it means to be “ a goddamn ballplayer.” We can’t really come up with a specific set of qualities but we are certain that it has something to do with the person looking silly if they weren’t wearing a baseball cap. We all agree that Chipper Jones is a goddamn ballplayer.

2:44 PM- I express my disappointment with the fact that Michael Jackson’s funeral was not an elaborate sham for him to reboot his career by popping out of the casket and performing “Thriller 2.”

3:17 PM- Alec and I decide to play a best of 101 game of rock, paper, scissors. Alec says he will only throw rock. He lied and used a mixed strategy, beating me 51-21 in just 72 games, rendering the other 29 meaningless. We play anyway and I win an astonishing 26 of them.

4:18 PM- It’s almost quitting time. I’ve accomplished nothing so I decide that the quickest and laziest thing to do is write down everything we have done all day.

scott.

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