In a historic and unprecedented move, the St. Louis Cardinals traded Albert Pujols today in exchange for all the tea in China. The trade has many baseball analysts scraching their heads because Pujols is having a great year and the tea market is significantly weak right now. “This really helps our chances of making a run for the gold in baseball in London in 2012,” said President of the People’s Republic of China, Hu Jintao. “I’m really excited,” he added.
Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa was less than excited about the move. “What the fuck am I going to do with all this tea,” he said while he was looking over the numbers. “I could have understood if we traded him to Mexico for steroids or Columbia for some blow.” Rumors are now circling that Cardinals owner William DeWitt, Jr. is planning to sell all the tea to the Brits in order to finance a revival of the muscial “No, No, Nanette.”
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