this just in: pride parade gay

many of our readers are probably aware that the chicago pride parade was yesterday. now we here at imgross.org are not in the business of making fun of, or persecuting any groups based on race, sexual orientation, or any other incontrollable factor because we know that we ourselves are in a very persecutable group, the group of being considerably gross. that said, i find myself quite confused by this annual gay smorgasbord of colorful floats, feather boas, and leopard print man thongs, because i can’t figure out what being gay has to do with dressing and acting like an asshat.

again, we here at imgross.org are supportive of almost everyone, but whatever the group: gays, native americans, asians, the dutch, circus folk, or hillbillies, if your group acts like morons, you are probably going to be regarded as morons. as famed football coach bill parcells likes to say “you are what you are.” i really only get to see the gay community in full force once a year and now the images that are burned into my mind are half naked sailors riding giant colorful phallus shaped rockets and young men in candy striped thongs and angel wings dancing on top of the buildings on halsted street.

my hope is that many gays were at home drinking old style and watching the amazing cross town rivalry that only takes place twice a year, instead of marching down halsted in leather chaps passing out clitoris shaped lollipops to small children who have yet to form opinions on the homosexual community. this parade is doing no favors for a group trying to show the world that diversity is a gift and gender identity is inherent and cannot be intentionally altered. all this parade shows the world is that a drunken middle aged man really doesn’t look very good in a pair of assless leather chaps and that a military uniform and a baby bonnet don’t really go together at all. although we all know the gays are a very clean people, the gay parade is a sea of gross.

user: Senator Robert Byrd