1. Being in the Ocean. Anything that touches your foot is a shark.
2. Being in a “text message fight” with a new cell phone. Not only are you too high to think of good/clever comebacks, it’s also going to take you forever to type your response back.
3. You have to call 911. If you’re the one asked to “Call 911! You’ll be all types of frightened and anxious.
4. Crapping your pants. Obviously terrible normally, . . . even worse when you’re high.
5. Meeting your girlfriend’s grandma for the first time. Do you hug her,…kiss her…shake her hand, call her nanny?……….grandma?……….Ruth?
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Posted in Brohan.
By admin
– March 17, 2010
Posted in Admin.
By admin
– March 17, 2010
Sidney Crosby came clean this week about his battle with addiction to red pistachios. “I used to tell people my lips were so red because they were chapped from being on the ice a lot,” he said, “but it was all a lie, I eat atleast a pound of red pistachios a day.”
Experts agree that the astonishing number of pistachios may be part of Crosby’s secret to athletic success. “Pistachios are very high in protien and B viatamins,” said Dr. Samuel Longwood, “Compared to the horse meat Ovechkin was raised on, he really has a nutritional advantage.”
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Posted in Scott.
By admin
– March 17, 2010
Widow Blanche DeVilliard of Kalamazoo, MI recently sat down and discussed her newly published tell-all book about the high-profile relationship with her big band leader husband.
“It was very hard most of the time. He was out on the road a lot. New York, Chicago, Tennessee, and everywhere in between.” she began, taking a Viceroy out of her cigarette case and putting it to her lips as i lit it, intrigued from the start.
“There was a time when it was good, you know. He used to carry my books for me. After graduation from school, we bought this house in Kalamazoo but he never had any time to spend in it, due to his bourgeoning music career. Sure, i would get letters occasionally written on hotel stationary telling me he was hurrying to see me, but had a few more stops on the tour before making it back to Michigan. I started suspecting infidelity after a friend phoned me from Chattanooga and said she saw my husband kissing a woman dressed in satin and lace at the train station. I was very young and naive. I should have been the wiser but he had a way of convincing me everything was fine.
Everything’s OK, A-L-A-M-A-Z-O-O-O’ he would say, slinking out the door of our home.’ In retrospect, it was pretty apparent after that he was sitting under the apple tree with anyone else but me. Nonetheless, I loved him dearly. Perhaps his fatal plane crash finally gave him his stairway to the stars.” she said, as she extinguished her cigarette and gazed out the window of the imgross office.
Blanche DeVilliard. what a gal. a real pipperoo.
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Posted in alec.
By admin
– March 17, 2010
Posted in Admin, Myles Kennefick.
By admin
– March 17, 2010
Tiger Woods has announced that he will return to nailin putts and bangin sluts at this year’s Masters.
Go get em, Tiger.
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Posted in Admin.
By admin
– March 16, 2010
San Francisco police were called to the Tanner residence early Friday morning after an anonymous call was placed to the Social Service office.
The caller left no name, but the log of his call has since been released-
Operator- “Social Services, how may i help you?”
Caller- “Uh yeah, I just wanted to report some suspicious activity at the Tanner residence, there is a guy named Uncle Joey living there. He’s not really an Uncle, and to be honest I think he’s been a little too friendly with the young girls that are in the household. Mercy…”
The response quickly came with police questioning one Joey Gladstone, a struggling stand-up comedian living with the Tanners. He was immediately handcuffed, as there was little evidence to show that he was not a sexual predator.
Along with his other possessions, his comedy props were also confiscated. The police were then spotted laughing and saying “Wonder why he’s a struggling comedian. What a sicko”.
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Posted in Adam.
By admin
– March 16, 2010
Mike Scroggins is a professional bowler. He is so gross that last Sunday I was watching bowling and was forced to switch from ESPNHD to regular ESPN because I could not stand to look at him in high definition.
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Posted in Scott.
By admin
– March 16, 2010
Posted in Brohan.
By admin
– March 16, 2010
Upper management postponed salary increases for the second consecutive year at Omnistar Communications while prodding employees to serve their company with even more vigor during the ongoing economic downturn. The majority of employees at the annual “Business Forward” meeting reacted to the call to improve accountability at individual and company-wide levels with disdainful sneers. Assistant Media Buyer, Eric Schloessinger, age 25, took it upon himself, however, to take the challenges head-on for the good of the company. Rather than partake in the usual Friday after work drinks and diatribes, Schloessinger abstained and constructed a retractable dome over his cubicle, instead.
Colleagues returned from uneventful weekends, stymied by financial restraints, to behold the office’s first ever “Cubi-Dome.” Unsure what to make of it, a crowd formed around Schloessinger’s Cubi-Dome. “It makes perfect sense,” said one enthused co-worker, “Did you know that a dome team in the NFL is 15 percent more likely to win at home? This year’s Super Bowl—both Dome Teams. You have to be agile nowadays and have one hell of a passing game.” An office mate later wheeled over an office chair and tried to peer through the Cubi-Dome’s roof, until Schloessinger promptly closed it. “I can’t believe Schloess did that…We’re buddies! I just want to know what he’s got going on in there. Oh well, he must’ve closed the roof to get the decibels roaring up to deafening levels!”
Liz Freeman, Head of HR, commended Schloessinger for dedicating an entire weekend installing the retractable dome for the betterment of Omnistar. “It’s quite an investment. The dome removes all distractions from the work place (i.e. noisy conversations, country music coming from radios, the smell of Vic D’Nunzio, etc.) while creating an environment conducive for high concentration levels that strongly correlate with optimal performance in the workplace. He’s setting himself up as a prime candidate for ‘Star Reacher of the Year’!”
Upon gaining entrance to Cubi-Dome for an exclusive interview with the future Peyton Manning of Omnistar, Schloessinger quickly audibled out of Youtube to an Excel worksheet. He described the installation as “pretty easy” and the name as “kind of catchy.” He went on to explain his sole motivation for the modification was to elicit eventual termination from Omnistar in a manner that skirted corporate policy and guaranteed unemployment checks until he eventually found a new job. He never imagined the entire office would embrace it and consider it “innovative.” He did, however, praise the advantages of never having to hear female co-workers discuss the Twilight book series again.
posted by: joseph
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Posted in Admin.
By admin
– March 16, 2010
